did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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