So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
