I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
