I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
