I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
