I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
