You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
