I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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