no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
