first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
