and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
