i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
