it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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