omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
