And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
