I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
