a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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