Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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