Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
