this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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