the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
