why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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