the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
