No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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