New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
