ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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