you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
