hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
