first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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