I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
