Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
