look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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