I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
