i permit you to call me
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My bed smells like the plague
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