So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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