i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
