Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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