There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
