Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
