Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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