So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
