Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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