Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
