Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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