Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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