I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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