oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
