Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
