he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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