I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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