I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
