I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
