His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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